


ghost of you

by godgaypeen



Series: Inspired by Songs [5]
Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, Death, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Song: Ghost of You (5 Seconds of Summer)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 11:42:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30088578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godgaypeen/pseuds/godgaypeen
Summary: Younghyun finally returns home after the death of his boyfriend, and everything feels hollow.
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K/Park Jaehyung | Jae
Series: Inspired by Songs [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2213955
Kudos: 8





	ghost of you

**Author's Note:**

> TW // death , implied death 
> 
> This one-shot kind of deals with grief and death so if you are uncomfortable with it, then consider this as a precaution. As it deals with the death of the fictional counterpart of a real, living person, I'm obligated to mention that this is purely fictional.

Younghyun never wanted to return to this place ever again, but there he was; hovering uncertainly at the door of their- _his_ apartment, unable to step inside as if an invisible force was hindering him from doing so. Perhaps ‘unable’ was not the right word – ‘reluctant’ was more like it, yes. Younghyun was completely and utterly reluctant to enter the apartment, a clear reason why he had not set foot into the place despite arriving at the apartment building nearly ten minutes ago. Quite right too, considering the fact that the last time he was there, his boyfriend was still alive.

He sucked in a shaky breath as his grip on an empty duffel bag tightened, blinking back tears that seemed to appear even at the thought of-

“God, I can’t do this,” Younghyun spoke aloud, moments before he burst into tears, shoulders hunched forward, his whole body shaking with every desperate gulp of breath between sobs. He stayed that way for a while, crying at the door of the apartment he once shared with his now-deceased boyfriend. Understandably, Kang Younghyun was a fucking mess.

Once he no longer had any tears left to spare, Younghyun wiped his eyes carelessly with the sleeve of his denim jacket, his eyebrows furrowed with fierce determination, a stark contrast to the grief-stricken man from moments prior. “You can do this, you have to.” He said grimly before unlocking the door, pushing it open with a small grunt.

The door swung slowly as if it was giving Younghyun time to brace himself somehow, but no amount of time in the world could ever prepare him for the stillness, the emptiness that encompassed these four walls that used to contain so much energy, so much affection. It was a place built on the love shared by two men who were best friends and lovers, and now it was a bottomless void where one Park Jaehyung used to reside, one of the many places that held the last remnants of the man Younghyun loves- _loved_ , he corrected himself. _You’re supposed to use past tense for people who aren’t alive anymore_.

This depressing thought alone was enough to send him reeling, a fresh batch of tears threatening to spill if he continued to press on with this unbearable, almost impossible task ahead of him. If Younghyun had it his own way, he would have tried to stay away from the apartment for as long as he could, anything to delay coming back to an empty home full of Jae’s belongings, returning to the setting of so many bittersweet memories that they shared. Plus, he was supposed to pack the things he did not wish to keep and send them to Jae’s family, so he would have to have come back at some point, anyway. A part of him suggested being a little selfish with Jae's possessions, a small voice in the back of his mind tempting him to hoard it all, lest he let the memory of the older man slowly crumble away with every piece of him that Younghyun parts with. 

However, Younghyun knew he could not put this off any longer; how long could he stay at Sungjin’s place, avoiding his own home, avoiding his own feelings, afraid to lose someone he had already lost? It was not fair to Jae’s grieving family, and it was not fair to Sungjin, having to take care of the bereft partner of his dead best friend, the man himself attempting to process his own emotions upon losing someone he cared about. Sure, the slightly older man had insisted that it was good for Younghyun to stay (“stay as long as you need, you’ve been through a lot, Kang Bra”), but he was probably just relieved at the notion of caring for Younghyun instead of himself. That’s the kind of person Sungjin was, always so selfless and kind beyond compare that he felt as if he did not deserve to be treated with such care. 

Younghyun, on the other hand, spent the first week after Jae’s death crying his eyes out, eyes puffy and red for seven days straight; he wondered how his tear ducts managed to produce endless amounts of tears that week if all he ever did was cry. The week after that was a kind of dull, unending numbness that Sungjin had described as ‘absolutely terrifying’ due to the fact that Younghyun, the bright extroverted 'personification of the sun' type of person that he is, barely spoke at all, opting to sit on the couch or curl up in bed, staring into the distance. Needless to say, he did not handle grief very well.

He figured being at the apartment alone was a step up from his behaviour those two weeks, though. Frankly, Younghyun did not think he would make it past the entrance to the apartment building, let alone standing in the middle of the apartment like this. The apartment itself looked exactly as it was the day of Jae’s death, everything in its place just the way they left it. It was as if nothing had happened, as if Younghyun’s whole life did not crash all around him, as if Jae never left for someplace Younghyun could never follow.

In a way, it did seem like it; Jae’s black coat was still hanging on the coat rack, his shoes strewn haphazardly on the floor where they stored their footwear, the way they always were when he was rushing to work. Jae was rushing that morning too, barely having any time to peck Younghyun on the cheek like he always would before he left for work. Maybe he should have gotten him to skip work somehow, any excuse to ensure that he never left the apartment, to make sure he could have stayed in Younghyun's life just a little longer. Fuck, even having a few minutes just to give him a proper kiss goodbye, that would have been enough. 

Younghyun shook his head vigorously, attempting to return his thoughts to the present; he was still just as miserable, but being in the apartment was slightly more tolerable than thinking about the possibilities, the 'what ifs' of that wretched day again. Where did it all go wrong? The night before everything happened was so perfect, how could everything fall apart within 6 hours?

* * *

_“Jae, you can’t seriously be brewing coffee right now.” Younghyun frowned disapprovingly at his boyfriend, the taller man tilting his head to the side in confusion as he placed a mug (‘World’s Best Grandpa’ – a cheeky birthday present from friends Wonpil and Dowoon) onto the kitchen counter._

_“Why not?”_

_“It’s nearly 1 am, what do you mean ‘why not?”' Younghyun replied, pointing to the wall-mounted clock. “Are you planning to sleep at all tonight?”_

_Jae turned to his boyfriend with what could only be described as a wide, shit-eating grin. “Why? Do you have any plans of the sexy nature…?” He asked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively, to which Younghyun scoffed and rolled his eyes, a matching smile played upon his lips in amusement. “Besides, what makes you think this is even the first cup of the night?”_

_Merely shaking his head as a response, Younghyun leaned against the counter, watching as the borderline caffeine-addicted Jae grabbed his freshly brewed coffee; black, like his soul, as he often remarked, much to the bemusement of virtually everyone around him._

_“You haven’t been sleeping enough because of work lately, are you sure coffee is your best option?” The younger man asked, his voice tinged with concern. The past week was particularly rough on Jae, who had an important presentation due on Friday, and if things went well, he most likely would be receiving a promotion, so it was a huge deal for him, not so inclined to mess it up._

_“I honestly can’t think of anything that would keep me up other than this beautiful cup of impressively caffeinated… stuff,” Jae said, taking a tentative sip of said drink, only to grimace as it was a little too hot to drink immediately. Younghyun could not keep track of the times Jae burned his tongue on hot coffee since they first knew each other, but he figured it was in the low hundreds, at the very least._

_Younghyun fell silent for a moment, before speaking up, “I can think of one thing…”_

_Clearly misinterpreting Younghyun’s words, Jae let out an exaggerated scandalized gasp, a hand over his mouth, his eyes widened comically behind his round glasses. “You were planning to seduce me, I knew it!” He said, a playful grin upon his boyish features._

_“God no, that wasn’t what I had in mind.” Younghyun quickly shook his head, not missing Jae’s adorable pout at his immediate denial. “We could… y’know… we could dance, like when I was stressed about exams and you put on One Direction songs to keep me from losing my mind that day.”_

_“You just want an excuse to listen to One Direction again, don’t you?” Jae poked fun at him, laughing at Younghyun’s flustered response._

_“N- No, that’s not- I’m not- I wasn’t!” He could feel his cheeks growing warmer in embarrassment. Okay, so he might have had a hidden Zayn Malik-related agenda when he suggested bringing back their little emergency dance sessions…_

_“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain, I’m down!” Jae spoke enthusiastically, practically vibrating in place; either from sheer excitement or the copious amounts of caffeine that flowed within him, Younghyun was not quite sure. “Anything but the damn presentation slides, I totally need a break.”_

_With ‘She’s Not Afraid’ kicking off the impromptu mini dance party in the living room through the tinny speakers of Younghyun’s phone, both men let loose, releasing pent-up stress with goofy and over-the-top dance moves, unable to contain their laughter. Everything was perfect at that moment, just the two of them in their perfect little bubble, unaware of what was to come._

* * *

Would he have done things differently, if he knew?

Would he have left Jae alone that night if he knew that the dance party was the reason Jae overslept the next morning, the reason he rushed to work, the reason he-

More importantly, would Jae still be alive?


End file.
